Theresa's Story

My mother was diagnosed with dementia in 2019. She was not only my mother, but also my best friend. Unfortunately, I was not her Power of Attorney, so the important decisions regarding her care were not mine to make. In 2021, my brother made the decision to place her in a memory care facility, even though this was something my mother had clearly stated she never wanted while she was still mentally healthy.
Although my mother had documented her wishes and I had copies of her paperwork, I was not fully informed or prepared for what dementia would eventually require. No one truly expects their parent to decline in that way or need such extensive care. Looking back, I wish I had gone through her end-of-life documents more carefully and asked more questions while I still could.
From the moment she entered the facility, I noticed serious problems and many red flags. As I tried to help advocate for her, I repeatedly voiced concerns and filed complaints. After only three months, I was restricted from entering the memory care unit and was only allowed supervised visits with my mother in the front area of the facility.
About a year after she was placed there, my mother suffered third-degree burns on the bottoms of both feet. The facility had an outdoor courtyard easily accessible to residents. On an extremely hot day, there was reportedly only one staff member assigned to memory care. After being outside for an extended period of time, my mother stood up and collapsed. Thankfully another staff member eventually found her before something even worse happened.
Ironically, after this incident my visitation restrictions were lifted. It was then decided that she needed to be moved to another facility, but there was a one-year waiting list. She was eventually transferred, but only 3 weeks later she passed away. I truly believe the trauma and neglect contributed heavily to her rapid decline.
We later sued the original facility and won. However, no settlement changes the fact that my mother is gone. I believe she suffered neglect not only from the facility, but also from poor decisions made within my own family. My relationship with my siblings has never recovered. I was the oldest child and the one closest to my mother. I knew her wishes, her fears, and what she would have wanted regarding her care.
It deeply hurts knowing she was mistreated during the most vulnerable time of her life. All I ever wanted was for her to receive the dignity, compassion, and quality care she deserved.